Relapse

“Lead the way” she muttered. That was the habit she had grown and nurtured through and through. Reliant on others and quick to blame, that’s a very easy assumption when you are watching through teal tinted frames.

To watch or to experience? Or by watching are you experiencing?

She will break her heart by sticking around in these bitter teething habits. Habits are not set in stone, she will tell herself, “I can change this”. Watching and waiting, I will admit that I have also blamed heartache on locations on a map, to move away and leave is the first powerful jump in her veins. “Yes! I can do this!” She will watch every passing field from the train window, fidgeting her knees and kicking her feet, eager for every mile closer to her heart’s goal or further from the real familiarity laying at home, repeating the process with each season clocking in and out. Arriving, she will gasp and cry and hold in screams, filling her lungs with captive truths. As the surreal blur of the country side passes her view, from watching and from experiencing, from every inch of your mind and the maze of blue and purple streaks of life running up and down that pale English skin, moving is simply a distraction.

“Lead the way” She’ll mutter. Following and fleeting with each and every anxious breath.


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